


Icha Icha Omake

by that_one_the_grandniece_there



Series: Ice, Ice, Baby [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, M/M, THIS IS AN EPILOGUE FOR MY UNFINISHED ICE ICE BABY IT CONTAINS SPOILERS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24629782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_the_grandniece_there/pseuds/that_one_the_grandniece_there
Summary: THIS IS AN EPILOGUE FOR MY UNFINISHED ICE ICE BABY IT CONTAINS SPOILERSI caved and posted this because I have no self-control.Miyagi-sensei would be so disappointed.But..... unless you don’t mind spoilers, read Black Ice and my unfinished Ice, Ice, Baby first.Because it has some MAJOR (but not all) spoilers in it, so I marked it as a one-shot.SPOLIER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK (if you're reading my Ice, Ice, Baby series. If not, enjoy the cracky-goodness..... though it might not make much sense.)
Relationships: Hagane Kotetsu/Kamizuki Izumo, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Ice, Ice, Baby [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690264
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Icha Icha Omake

“So,” Konohamaru looks his assembled family in the backyard. “If I call Naruto-Nii niisan, but Itachi-Jii jiisan, what am I supposed to call Sasuke?”

Sasuke glowers. “Nothing.”

Shikamaru adds, “Well, he’s only, like, half a year older than Naruto, so probably Niisan too.”

Sasuke glowers. “No.”

Naruto cocks his head. “You don’t _like_ being called Niisan?”

More glaring. “No.”

Naruto grins joyfully ( _maniacally_ ), “Ok, then _. I’ll_ call you Niisan.” He dances out of Sasuke’s reach before shouting, “ _Sasuke-nii_!!”

“Dobe. Do. Not.”

“ _Teme-nii_!”

“ ** _Dobe!_**! I’m _warning_ you!””

“ _Sasuke-Teme-Niisan_!” the blond singsong, spinning around.

“ **USURATONKACHI!!!!!”** Naruto, wisely, bolts.

Sakura frowns, but waits until they settle down to add, “But they’ve _kissed_.”

In response, there’s a joint, “It was an _ACCIDENT_!” from where the boys are wrestling in the grass.

And an, “Oh my God, WHAT!?” from Konohamaru. “You never told me that!” He frown pouts in his brother’s direction.

As she adds, “The day we met our jounin-senseis.”

A double, “What?” from his dads;

And a, “Just like Luke and Leia,” from Itachi.

Kakashi frowns, “Who?” He quirks his head at the other genius in question.

Itachi looks at him. “Luke and Leia, like from the movie. I saw it at the cinema in the capital.”

“What _is it_ with you and movies?”

Sasuke walks back, dumping a limp Naruto at his feet. “Luke and Leia? Wait. Leia is a girl’s name.” He glances down and the dusty, mumbling lump that’s his closest friend. “Naruto’s the girl, then.” He pronounces.

His older brother grins. “Actually, Luke is blond-haired and green-eyed. Naruto looks more like him. His twin, Leia, has dark eyes and brown hair. _You_ can be Leia, Otouto.”

That leaves both Naruto and Konohamaru guffawing. Sasuke radiates killing intent.

Shikaku chuckles. “Hm. So, when you all met your jounin-senseis. That means your first kiss when you were ten, huh? Looks like you’re just like your Touchan, kiddo.” He shakes his head, still smiling.

Naruto’s cheeks redden and he suddenly finds his sandals very interesting.

Sasuke scrunches his nose as Sakura blurts, “Wait. That _wasn’t_ your first kiss?”

Sasuke mumbles, “Unfortunately, yes.”

But the other boy shuffles his feet abashedly, scuffing a toe in the dirt. “ _Well._....” he bit his lip nervously. “Sort of. No. Not really—”

“That’s a yes or no question,” Sakura prompts with a quirked eyebrow.

“Well,” Naruto begins, “it was my first, like, _real_ kiss that was like, longer than a second.”

Sasuke and Sakura tilt their heads questioningly as she continues, “Wait, who else have you kissed?”

While Konohamaru repeats under his breath, “ _Longer_ than a second?” Then, louder, “But I thought it was an _accident_? How long did you _accidentally_ kiss each other?”

(Itachi and Genma hold in a snicker.)

As Naruto answers, “Well, the winter before Touchan adopted me, when I was, like, just turned seven, Hinata-chan gave me this big red scarf because I was really cold. And..... well, it was just so _nice_ of her, because no one else but her and Touchan was nice to me back then. So, I kissed her on the cheek to say thank you.”

“Oh.” Sakura nods, “I don’t think that counts, if it was just on the cheek, then.”

Naruto, if possible, gets even redder, from the tips of his ears to the bottom of his chin. “But, she, like ‘ _Eeeeped_!’ And..... blushed, and.....it was kind of _cute_..... so, I kissed her again. On the lips, to see if she’d do it again. But it was, like, really fast!”

Shikaku laughs heartily, “Yeah _..... just_ like your Touchan!”

Kakashi narrows his eyes. “What?”

At the tone of voice, all the kids clear off to play. (Though Naruto and Konohamaru quietly battle over who gets to listen hidden at the side of the wall.)

Shikaku smiles. “Oh, yeah. Little Iruka was a regular make-out Casanova when he was a kid. I bet we could write whole tomes of that Icha Icha book you enjoy so much about my baby brother and his Kiss capades.”

Iruka turns beet red and grumbles, “I was not! You wouldn’t _dare_.” He sniffs. “Besides, you weren’t there for every kiss.”

Shikaku cocks an eyebrow. “How many people was it that you kissed that autumn you were ten? Like, a dozen? And—that just proves my point, Iruka, if there were _more_ than the stories I got or the times I caught you out.”

Iruka’s lips thin out as he clenches his teeth and answers, “It was only _six_.”

“Mm,” Shikaku acquiesces with a grin, “Only.”

Iruka frowns at him, “It was like a _science experiment_ , Shikaku-nii.”

“Wait,” Genma interrupts, “You kissed me _just for a science experiment_ , Iruka?” He grabs at his chest dramatically, “I’m wounded!”

Kakashi narrows his eyes more. “He kissed _you_?”

Genma backs up in his seat, “Now, _wait_ a minute, Kakashi, we were _kids_ and—”

Kakashi growls, “You’re still friends.” As he advances.

Genma raises both his hands and his senbon droops as he opens his mouth wide to shout, pointing at the couple across the yard, “He kissed Kotetsu and Izumo too!”

And Kotetsu blanches as Kakashi turns to face them, and the spiky-haired chuunin shouts, “He kissed Anko too!”

Anko grins mock sweetly.

Kakashi throws up his hands in the air. “Is there anyone here that my husband _hasn’t_ made out with?!”

Iruka frowns. “ _I kissed_ them, Kakashi, not _made out_ with them, and it was a _long_ time ago.”

Gai raises his hand. “I, Kakashi, your Eternal Rival and Best Friend, have _never_ kissed your husband.”

Kakashi pouts. “Oh, good, that makes one of you then.” He turns to Itachi, who’s nearest him at the moment. “Have _you_ kissed my husband?”

“Hey, now,” Itachi raises his hands between them in a placating gesture, “I left when I was fourteen.”

To which Iruka adds indignantly, “I haven’t kissed everyone here other than Gai. I haven’t kissed Tenzo!” He points at the stoic brunet almost violently.

Tenzo coughs guiltily, turning a bright red. “Well, actually.....”

Iruka turns to him and frowns. “I’d remember kissing you, Tenzo.”

“Um, I was dressed in my ANBU gear at the time,” he admits.

Iruka blushes. “Oh. _Oh_.”

Kakashi pouts harder.

Iruka clears his throat. “You were..... which mask?”

Tenzo smiles awkwardly, “Cat.”

“Ah,” Iruka nods. “Right. Well.”

It’s mostly quiet in their corner of the yard for a while, then, Kakashi, frowning, asks, “Wait, why did you ask him _which_ mask, Iruka?”

Iruka bites his lip.

“How many _ANBU_ have you kissed?” Kakashi’s voice is rising in agitation.

Iruka licks his lips nervously, “ _Other_ than you and obviously, it was Tenzo, I guess?” his voice trails off slowly on the question. (But he doesn’t answer it.)

“Oh, my _God_.” Kakashi stomps into the house, and everyone is quiet until he returns, brandishing one of his masks in Iruka’s direction.

Itachi, Genma and Shikaku snicker. Anko positively howls.

“You need to wear this!”

“Kakashi,” Iruka sighs. “I’m not wearing one of your masks. You know I only kiss you now.” He wraps his arms around his husband’s neck, playing with the small hairs at the nape. He furrows his brow. “Well, other than the kids.” He leans forwards and pecks Kakashi through the mask. Then he purses his lips in thought, “And friends, and family. But I only kiss them on, like, the cheek.” He smiles. “Like, I can say, _for certain_ , that I’ve only ever kissed Kurenai on the cheek.”

Kakashi sighs, wrapping his hands around his husband’s waist. “Did anyone ever tell you you had a problem? Like, that you were maybe a bit of a nympho when you were a teenager?”

Iruka grins, then leans in close to his husband’s ear and whispers, “But aren’t you _glad_ I love kissing so much, now that it’s all only for you?”

Kakashi growls and pulls their hips closer. “ ** _Yes._** ” He breathes out.

Anko catcalls as Genma shouts, “Get a room!”

Kakashi flips them off behind Iruka’s back. “We _have_ a room, but you’re at our house, you mooch!”

Drawn back over by the shouting, Naruto scrunches his nose at his dads. “Ew. Gross. I did _not_ need to hear that. Can you please stop? I do _not_ need to see this.” He fake wretches as he approaches the BBQ and picnic-food-laden table near the wall by the seating area.

As he turns back and heads towards the teens and kids on the blankets, he catches sight of the mask in Kakashi’s hand. He glances up to double-check, notes that his Tousan is still wearing his mask and asks, “Whatcha doing with the extra mask, Tousan?”

Shikaku grins. “Trying to get your Touchan to wear it.”

Naruto frowns. “Uh, why? It’s bad enough _he_ does. Touchan would look _weird_.”

Genma giggles. “Because—”

“Actually.” Kakashi lets go of his husband. He turns to their oldest. “ **You**. You need to wear this.”

Naruto backs up. He frowns at the manic gleam in his dad’s eye. “What? No! I don’t want to. Why?!”

Genma snorts into his hand. “Because your uncle told your dad all about your other dad..... and apparently, he doesn’t want you to be just like him. Apparently, he’ll just cover up those wandering lips of yours instead,” Genma snorts in amusement.

Some of the other grown-ups are snickering lightly.

Iruka shakes his head, fondly, then drops it into his hands exasperatedly with a resigned sigh.

Kakashi advances on the blond. “Until you’re twenty-one.”

Naruto’s eyes widen in panic as he puts his plate back down and glances around for escape routes. He whines, “But _whyyy_?”

Iruka interrupts. “He doesn’t have to wear the mask, Kakashi. _Honestly_. And you all think _I’m_ the helicopter parent?”

Kakashi trembles. “He’s a kid, he shouldn’t go around kissing everyone!”

Naruto frowns. “I don’t kiss _everyone_!” Naruto flaps his arms wildly.

Kakashi glowers. “You _sound_ just like your Touchan.” He stretches the mask between his hands and takes a step forward.

Naruto shrieks, “It was an a _ccident_!”

Kakashi retorts, “Once! What about—”

Iruka interrupts him, with a sigh and a quirked eyebrow. He pulls the mask (with some resistance) out of his husband’s hands. “Kakashi.”

Kakashi pouts. “All of our kids should wear masks.” He frowns. “Especially the babies. They should never take them off.”

Iruka smiles indulgently. “Kids grow up, love.”

“Until they’re _married_ , Iruka.”

Iruka shakes his head softly. Kakashi sighs and relinquishes the mask to his husband. He pats his cheek consolingly. “You know, helicopter dad, that no one would ever believe that when we met, you never wanted to be a dad, right?”

Kakashi pouted harder. “Shut up.”

Iruka smiles. “Oh, I will.” And he kisses him. ” _And_ I’ll shut _you_ up, too.”

Kakashi grins as he lowers his mask.

\-------------

Kakashi’s extra mask laid, abandoned, on the food table.

It had been a fun day, full of good food, good friends and lots of games and cloud-watching.

The entire company was lazing about now, either cloud-watching or indulging in a sun-soaked afternoon nap.

But it was obviously not forgotten.

As a loud shriek rent the peaceful, afternoon air, and Konohamaru came bounding round the side of the house with one of his Tousan’s old cameras in hand, crazy smile lighting up his face, and a beet-red Sasuke and Sakura on his heels as he sing-songed:

“Sakura and Niisan, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G—”

Kakashi was up, out of Iruka’s arms, with mask in hand , wrenching the neck-hole of the gaiter open and with a manic gleam in his eyes in under two seconds flat as he gives chase to his students and he shouted to the gathering at large, “You will ALL wear these until you’re **_MARRIED_**!!”

(Or until the pandemic is over..... no wait, that’s just the rest of us. Too bad none of us can make it work as badass and hot as Kakashi.....)

\-------------

FIN <3

-Neicey


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